Armchair News

Good to sweat together

nobody@vox.com(Armchair News) — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 19:23:36 -0400

Got up early on Saturday, met up with some total strangers (from a hiking group organized at Meetup.com) and drove out to the New Jersey/New York border for a sweaty day of hiking!

At the top

'Course, it wasn't anything like the Colorado trip I took around this time last year, though there were similarities. The main benefit is it wasn't much more than 1500 feet above sea level, so I could actually breathe as I hauled ass up the rocks and over felled trees.

Met some very nice people. The group was really well-organized and our leader, Suzanna, kept everyone in check and counted us up a lot using German numerals. She's originally from Germany, y'see, so a lot of this is clearly in the blood.

Anyway, my main concern had been that I'd be the slowest in the group and that was absolutely not the case -- nor was I the fastest, not by a long shot -- and overall it was a great day. After about two and a half hours more or less up, we came upon Lake Surprise (the joke being that there would be no lake there -- surprise!) and went for a fantastically refreshing swim (see photo from yesterday that I moblogged). One hiker who joined us late and has decades of experience on all of us, Rob (aka "The New Guy") swam me over to some more private areas that you can only reach by swimming (or bushwacking) and we came upon a bunch of blueberries. Yum! Unfortunately, we also came upon some garbage leftover from some intrepid slobs. That was the only part that bothered me about the trip -- the fact that no one in the group seemed to talk about or try to encourage the "leave no trace" policy. Everyone had a good heart there; no one wants to be a litterbug, but I'd thought regular hikers all paid attention to leave no trace. The basics are here, but a lot of people -- including some on this trip -- didn't know that it also means taking out all of your waste, not just the non-organic stuff. On the one hand, yes, an orange peel will biodegrade. But you take a thousand people leaving a thousand orange peels and the place is a pit.

I have nothing good to say about anyone who leaves non-biodegradable waste.

Anyway, that was a very small issue in what was a great day. After we paused at the lake to swim and eat we took a brief detour to the highest point around and overlooked Greenwood Lake. A couple of people were like, "New Jersey! Who knew?" and then we headed back for the much-shorter walk down to the cars. Total distance? About 7 miles or so.

Greenwood Lake

I woke up feeling like I'd been beaten over the head! Still, a good way to spend a Saturday.

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Today, now

nobody@vox.com(Armchair News) — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 14:47:30 -0400

Lake Surprise, NJ

0712081444.jpg

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Ya spins the wheel, ya takes your chances

nobody@vox.com(Armchair News) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:46:42 -0400

The view from a broad

So, Las Vegas was Las Vegas. Or, as the hipsters and kids say, Vegas was Vegas. We went to treat Mom to a Bette Midler show -- she's been the fan of fans for decades, and when my brother and I were in elementary school she yanked us out one day so we could go to a book signing Midler was doing. Bette came out wearing a hat with a typewriter on it and I was sold. So my brother and I scratched together tickets and a flight, while Larry took care of the hotel (hello, time share presentation!) and we all met up for a lovely several days. Lovely, that is, if you don't mind 112 degrees of temperature that -- dry heat or no -- hits you like an anvil when you walk outside. Lovely, that is, if you don't mind dressing for 112 degrees of temperature and then dealing with 50 degrees of air conditioning when you're inside.

Las Vegas is a challenge.

But there were some perks.

See, I don't gamble. Never did care for the mindlessness of slots, and don't have enough cash to throw around where I'd be able to really "play" poker. Maybe if they let me play for 50 cents a game. So I've only been once and the plan was to eat at the buffets, sit at the pool, see the show and do some shopping. All of which got done (the buffets are truly legendary but I never see this much food in one place ever and when you tell me the bacon is unlimited ... shoot, my teeth were squeaking by the time I'd finished eating). That said and food aside, I can sometimes be talked into giving gambling a shot.

When we first arrived at the Flamingo, Mom told me about how my brother Craig -- who goes to Vegas probably once or twice a year and does gamble -- had this thing he did when he got to a new casino. The first roulette table he went to, he'd put $5 on No. 8. The first time he did that, he won right off. Then he did it a second time, on another visit. The third time he was with a friend who said, "Aren't you going to do that again?" and Craig waved it off as just coincidence, no big deal. So his friend played No. 8 for $5 at the first roulette table they came to and hit it. So this was mom's plan once we checked in. But she wanted to rest a bit upstairs, so Larry and I went down to look around.

You may see where this is going.

Handy

Anyway, file this under "I Shit You Negative": I told Larry what Mom had told me, and wondered if I should do it. Larry didn't say I should, and didn't say I shouldn't, but went with me over to the first roulette table. (And by first, I mean, real roulette. There was one station with a wheel and a spinner but it was surrounded by computer banks where folks sat -- nobody put chips on the green or nothing. So, not really roulette in my book.) The first real roulette table was pretty empty and had a minimum of $10, so I got two chips and put one on 8 and one on 15. Someone else piled a bunch of chips on mine on 8, and off the ball went around. I didn't even watch it go, or watch the results, because I was in some kind of fugue. Then suddenly the croupier was putting a clear plastic marker on 8 and I looked up. I'd hit 8. I didn't even get it at first, and had to say something dumb like, "Did I win?" and then "Can I get my chips?" because I was afraid it would suddenly go to the next round and he'd think I wanted to let it ride or something.

Walked off with $180; threw the original $5 I still had left as a tip to the croupier because that's what they do in the movies. And then kept the chips and glowed at them the whole rest of the time I was there. Did I bet again? I did not. But you put down $10 and walk off with $175 and you know exactly why people do, again and again and again. I immediately called my brother and told him I owed him a dinner or something. Larry kept saying, "I just can't believe you did that." And frankly, neither could I. But I knew if I tried it again it would never work, so I just laid off the gambling. $175 was good enough for me.

The Bette show? Fantastic. Big and loud and bawdy and quite arty in a few ways. She does this one routine which you either get or you don't, but from the time I saw it years ago on a DVD it had me in tears: She plays Delores Delago, the Toast of Chicago -- a lounge singer who's not very talented but is very ambitious ... and is a mermaid. Who propels herself (and her backup singers/mermaids) around the stage on wheelchairs. It is the essence of Bette Midler and it just kills me. Plus, we had kick-ass seats.

Caffeinated!

And finally, I even had a Vox connection! Fellow writer and neighbor here on Vox R.G. Ryan and his wife actually schlepped to the strip to pick me up and take me back to their local Starbucks (if you don't read his blog there's a natural connection to it, so go read it now) and they were just delightful. Had a great time discussing writing and the nasty, nasty publishing business, plus just got to see a 3-D version of the person I've been reading for at least a year now. Hey, y'all, thanks for the tea! Most refreshing when it's 112 or what have you out there.

And now I am home and I am exhausted and the next few weeks are going to be so busy I kind of want to run away but these things have to be done. Hope to post in the meanwhile but I'm not counting on it. See you in August....

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Interstitial Post to Keep You Busy

nobody@vox.com(Armchair News) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 15:29:49 -0400

More on Vegas after I get some sleep. Meanwhile, something that'll keep you from sleeping:

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Four things that happened today

nobody@vox.com(Armchair News) — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 22:25:00 -0400

Number 1: I joined Facebook. I know, I caved. Now I have more things to waste my time than ever before!

Number 2: I became art. Thanks to LeendaDLL, for the idea!

Number 3: I learned that the monster you make up is always more scary than the real-live thing. (I had to tell my boss something I thought could turn so unpleasant I might have to resign, and instead he just said "okay" and all was well.)

Number 4: I abandoned the phrase "jump the shark" for good. Because there's a much better one now: "nuke the fridge." (And if you realize what that refers to before you hit the link, it's so much more delightful.)

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Such a little lady

nobody@vox.com(Armchair News) — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 21:27:48 -0400

She's got legs

Am I the only one who thinks my dog's legs, crossed daintily in the back as she gnaws on a rawhide chew up front, are the most adorable/funniest things in the world?

Probably. They won't make it on Cute Overload, I'm sure, but they're just darlin' to me.

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Dizzy

nobody@vox.com(Armchair News) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 14:36:43 -0400

Headline of the day:

"Everything seemingly is spinning out of control"

Oh, my lord, hit the decks and grab your heads, because we're in deep shit now: The Associated Press done said so.

Get a grip.

(via Lileks)

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Train Pie!

nobody@vox.com(Armchair News) — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 23:27:09 -0400

Train Pie!

So last night, Rose had a birthday. And she had a gathering of friends - slash - party - slash - jaunt out to deepest Queens to the most amazing spa place in the world.

But before that, there was pie.

A whole group of us got together at Grand Central Terminal for dinner, and in the lower depths of the facility there is this food court, and in the food court is a place that makes pies and cakes. Josh and I spied the pie and mulled over whether key lime or mud was the better option and of course went with key lime.

Over dinner, as the pie sat between us at the table, Josh noted that we should eat it on the subway. "Train pie!" either he or Rose cried, and so train pie was born.

Look, if Improv Everywhere can take off their pants on the subway, we can all share a pie. It was very communal, as well as being very yummy.

But all of this was mere prelude to the evening, and why we were on the subway in the first place: We were taking the 7 train to the Q25 so that we could disembark and walk into the formerly named InSpa World -- now called Spa Castle, clearly after the many whirlpools and hot tubs available back in medieval times.

The fork is with him

It might sound a little dodgy, but this brand-spanking-new building looks like a 5-star hotel. You walk in, fork over $35 and can stay all day (we were just going for about four hours, until midnight). You get a uniform of unfortunate pink and orange if you're a woman (gray and blue for the menfolks) in the locker room, and a wristband that resembles a watch with a number on it (and an RIFD chip to access your locker). You leave everything but your bathing suit and the uniform in your locker, including shoes, and the place is yours. Anything else you buy -- from massages to scrubs to slushies -- gets rung up on your number and you check out later and settle the bill.

We hit the pools. You have to hit the pools. On the roof of the building are these large, elongated outdoor swimming pools with spray jets and massage hoses and a little flume area that makes you feel like you're rushing down a river, there's a hot tub alongside the main pool, there's a hotter hot tub on the far end made of cedar (aka "the lobster pot"), there's a kiddie pool (no funny animals, just a lovely shallow reflecting pool), there's a sauna. There's a food area, and a place where you can buy whipped or fruity drinks and drink them while still inside the pool.You can sign up for massages but by the time we got there they were all full up so I can't report on that.

Inside the locker rooms there are mineral (allegedly) baths if you don't mind getting nekkid in front of everyone else -- these went from 102 degrees to 109 and let me tell you, those 7 degrees do make a difference; there are also two

Mm mm good

"cool water" pools of 77 ... and 54. You go get in the 54 degree pool and tell me if you don't feel it for the next hour. There are steam rooms and more saunas (I don't know why I love a steam room, but it's 133 degrees and you can barely breathe and I can only stay for about 5 minutes but there's something glorious about it. You activate a lot of the jets and such by touching a little pad in or near the pool area; there was a similar pad between the steam and sauna rooms so like a moron I touched it and -- got drenched in cool water by a shower head I hadn't even seen right above me.

By the end of the night prunes and raisins had nothing on us for wrinkles, and we were tired but happy as if we'd done some kind of major workout. I am absolutely, totally going back there again. Sooner rather than later.

Thanks, Rose!

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In the stars and ourselves

nobody@vox.com(Armchair News) — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 23:44:49 -0400

Ringed thing

Reason No. 4298b that I love New York:

Went to see Shakespeare in the Park tonight at the Delacorte; the theater for those who don't know, is in the middle of Central Park. Tickets are free, you just have to line up for a long time -- or get invited to the gala, which is what happened to me.

Didn't care much for the performance; they actually made it kind of sarcastic/jokey in places, and the Hamlet was overwrought and kept reminding me of Joachim Phoenix (who I like but this was second rate), and Sam Waterston, I'm fairly sure, tripped up on his lines at one point.

No matter, after an hour and 45 minutes they recessed for intermission and my friend Kelly and I decided to take our leave. We headed off through the East Side of the park.

Now, I'm not one to stroll in Central Park after dark, although there were plenty of folks and their dogs who did. But it's safe enough that you can, should you want to; we didn't see anyone dodgy. Instead, here's what we did see: amateur astronomists with enormous, and enormously expensive, telescoping equipment taking in the night skies. The first guy invited us over to check out the luminous full moon, which didn't look a whole lot different than it did hanging up in the sky like, um, a pizza pie, or what have you.

But another guy had his set up to focus on something else entirely: Saturn. He called us over to check it out. And there it bloody well was! Looked like a little sticker he'd put on the telescope to fool people, just a tiny ringed yellow speck, but quite clearly what Saturn is supposed to look like. And you can look at every well-developed photo in the world of the planet, but there is truly something different about seeing it through a telescope. It's just another star in the night sky without it, so this was something you couldn't just do on your own without the right equipment.

We thanked them profusely and headed out to Fifth Avenue.

Stellar!

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Review: The Great Cupcake Pan

nobody@vox.com(Armchair News) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 22:31:17 -0400

The Great Cupcake Pan

Had me a slice o' cupcake tonight.

Now, that's not being overly frugal or diet-conscious. Thanks to Williams-Sonoma's Great Cupcake Pan, the entire world I knew before this weekend has been completely upended.

On the one hand, cupcakes are meant to be small. Portable. Snacky.

On the other, for cupcake freaks like myself, who carry buttons that read "Make Cupcakes Not War," this thing was too good to be missed. Because the only thing better than the shrinking of something from its normal size is the embiggening of something meant to be small into an oversize.

I saw this in WS a few weeks back and it really never left my mind; after a doctor's appointment last week, I just had to go get it. And this weekend, I did two things I'd never done before: I made a giant cupcake, and I made it from scratch (the recipe came with the pan). Here's how it all went down.

The Insides of the Great Cupcake Pan

The pan itself is described on the Web site thusly: "Our pan creates a cupcake of Dr. Seuss proportions (an impressive 6" high and 7" across) that lends itself to fanciful decorations. The pan consists of top and bottom pieces that can be baked in two different flavors and frosted."

Now, as you can see by the photo on the top, this isn't quite true: The top is meant to be frosted, while the bottom kind of goes naked. (Until WS comes out with Great Cupcake Pan liners, that is.) This makes for a nice picture, but an odd ratio of frosting to cake.

Additionally, the cake pan comes as you see here. There's no lid to keep the insides from getting dusty or what have you; the only "cover" is the cardboard fitted paper that it comes with, which you actually need to keep -- it's got instructions on how to use the pan, as well as the from-scratch recipe I used, and the from-scratch buttercream frosting recipe I didn't use. (I am just not a buttercream fan.) The cardboard has that semi-removable factory glue on it which fits on the widest empty parts of the pan, and is not very reusable -- despite the need to reuse it for many things.

But on to the recipe. Your usual cake recipe: Flour, butter, eggs, sugar, vanilla, salt. Not cheap in this economy, but what the hell, I thought if you're going to do a test cake, may as well do what they tell you. I didn't have a sifter, but online told me I could whisk through the salt/sugar/flour combination with the same efficacy, and I didn't have special attachments on my beater. Still, all seemed right and the cake batter tasted fine, if a bit salty, when it was ready for pourin'.

The recipe says fill the containers up to within a half inch, and make the center a little lower than the sides. Since this stuff had the viscosity of, well, cake batter you tell me how you're supposed to do that. Nevertheless, in the oven it went, presenting problem No. 2: The swirly part of the cake ends on a pointed tip. Tips don't balance well on racks in the oven. I tried finding a good cross-joint to rest it on and let it be, but ultimately there was some tippage and the cake overgrew its space a little lopsidedly.

Severed Cupcake Side View

Also, the recipe said bake for up to 80 minutes; I did 70 and here's what it looked like (see side). A little browner and crispier on the exterior than the photo leads you to believe, but that could be attributable to the oven, so next time: 60 minutes and we'll see.

Mistake on my part: Although the recipe says to lop off the extra on the top of the swirly, it does not say you should do so on the bottom half of the cake, but I did it anyway. Reason for leaving the bottom half of the cake alone? Because the swirly top doesn't neatly fit over the bottom. Which is only obvious once you go to frost.

Taste? Dense, but excellent, not too salty at all. And by dense, I mean this is a real Glass of Milk kind of cake; you'll choke if you try to down it without any assistance.

I let it sit for two hours (more really) to cool down, and when I brought it out the next day for the frosting from its Tupperware home, it just smelled amazing. Still moist and lovely and sweet.

Giant Cupcake

And thar she blows.

Presumably if the bottom of the cake hasn't been overcooked, pairing it with chocolate frosting won't make it so uniform looking, but therein lies another hazard: I don't know what kind of frosting they used in the photo, but frosting just does not adhere to the swirls in the top like it does up there. I mean, you still have a nice cupcake shape, but the beautifully smooth swirls get lost in the covering; this isn't even a very deep frosting.

Giant Cupcake - Aerial View

So I put some sprinkles on to liven it up and added a cherry. Leading to a an aerial view of the cake which looks a little ... um ... salacious.

Right.

Needless to say, it was eminently slice-able, leading to my having a big glass of milk along with my slice o' cupcake tonight. And as someone who actually likes the burnt potato chips, the crispier edges of the cake were a bonus.

Cupcake sliced

The dog, however, is used here only for proportion. She got nada.

For Me? You shouldn't have ... wait, you didn't.

Overall, it was an easy recipe to make, and the use of the pan was certainly simple, but it's far from perfect. Maybe just a little more practice?

Oh, and wait, the Web site has one other idea:

"The pan can also be used to create an ice cream cake: in one side of the pan, bake the cake's bottom, then freeze ice cream in the other side to create the top."

Oh, my word.

Overall appearance: 9 of 10
Packaging: 4 of 10
Accuracy of instructions: 7 of 10
Milk requirement: Absolutely
Yummy factor: 8 of 10

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